The Sunday musings – Good but not good enough?

Bienvenue à Paris

“Welcome to Paris” is what the line above means. Why am I writing it there? Well, I have no clue or motivation to search for one. This is a post which starts with the same level of confusion which I promise to make you experience throughout its cocky existence. And to further help our cause, I am buzzing on my favourite white wine – Pinot Blanc (Photo at the end of the post if you are still interested by then)

Well, guess what? I decided it was best to play Pokemon go while I was high and sadly now you have to deal with the sober me!

So, what’s the genesis of this post? (As you remember, if you have ever read my posts before, the Sunday musings have something to do about the occurrences in the past week which I reflect upon)

In past year or so, the number of things that have happened in my life have surpassed any imagination I could have ever had about them. And I believe all of us either have or are currently living the same phase, so I am not trying to belittle your adventures. Most events have had me in this amused state of mind in which I currently write this post.

I have been for a while now a believer in things. I feel I understood events, could reason the outcomes and be at peace. This was all until 13th October 2015 happened. That date for some reason has had a farther reaching impact on my life than what I could have envisaged at that stage. I failed that day, not once but thrice and the melody of that song still lingers on. I got an admit that day too, the song of which is the track currently being played by my life.

Those rejections still continue to haunt me, in a silent corner, momentarily, but they do. And I keep wondering the reasons behind why that happened. One of the rejections was obvious – the interview was badly screwed. The rest two unclear. Those two carry the insignia of – Was it that I was good but not just good enough?  and whether there was something more I could have done?

Well, again, there is always something which a person can do. But that, I am afraid, is what we can never know..

If you thought this ended here, you couldn’t have been more wrong. This was the professional side of it. What about the personal side?

Ahh, I bet you know most of the story. But it’s worth a recap. Last one year has served as a milestone in my beleaguered personal life. It has helped it come a full circle in many ways and that remains an achievement if you ask me. End results talk otherwise, though, for being single after pursuits doesn’t necessarily signify any achievement, instead, does talk of failure on multiple fronts. Anyways, cutting the crap short, introspecting in futile over what went wrong and where hasn’t given me any leads. I don’t deny that I have not ever acted desperate, stupid, possessive, extra and under caring at different times, selfish, indifferent among other negative behaviors, but it is not that I haven’t tried. Looking back to all the years, I see a sense of joy in the fact that I have come a long way. But then again, it has been good, just not good enough. Sometimes, I too end up frustrated, not knowing what more to do, where more to improve. If you ask me, I feel I do try, even if it doesn’t mean anything eventually. So remains the question, where does one stop trying? When does one stop even more importantly? Remarkably, everyone tells you will know. Maybe, maybe not

PS:  This came out bad, quite bad. That wasn’t my intention though. But I guess such is the thing about these emotions, feelings of doubt that they are hard to express in a neat manner, especially when one isn’t reading enough to enrich the process of threading words in a flow. Thank you for taking out time and reaching this far. Let’s hope for better posts, come tomorrow! Cheers and God bless..


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