“I will also give you a gift and you will not say no. Now tell me what do you want?” She enquired of him.
“I already have everything I need”, he answered with a wink, intended to make the intentions absolutely clear! 🙂
Whether or not that happened, he didn’t care much. As she pressed further he eventually gave into the demands and politely said,” I will take a click pencil – Blue color”
And then there it was. In their meeting after the post-lunch session, while he was lost somewhere, she carefully placed the pencil on his book. When his mind returned to the examination hall he found a Blue cello click-pencil lying there. If ever he was to smile in a way that a girl could fall in love, it will have to be the way he smiled when he took that pencil in his hands.
“Thank you, this is lovely!” he said, trying his best to hide the blush behind the mask of the smile.
Over the next few months, things in life kept going better and better. It was winter and yet the warmth he was experiencing felt surreal.
But then, as it happens, the start is usually intense, and is an experience of a different world. Things slowly start drifting apart. Unfortunately, they have to. But how it is taken depends upon the individuals and hence is never same from person to person
The first vacations were a disaster, compounded by an attitude he now will term as “criminal”. Constant nagging, lack of patience and ever growing number of irritation incidents initiated a reaction, consequences of which, at that time, he didn’t have even a slight idea of.
If he had thought that slide in the vacations was a temporary one, he couldn’t have been much wrong. After college resumed, the effects of those flare ups during the vacations started showing their colors. He maybe finally understood the following, “There are in nature neither rewards nor punishments — there are consequences.”
Things were never the same
The meetings stopped being frequent, they stopped being longer. Once in a while they would meet, try to study, try to talk, but the apparent coldness did not subside. The impact it had on results and other activities in that semester couldn’t have been much of a shock
Despite everything, they did celebrate the 31st of December together, only for him to mess it up totally. A punch in the wall, out of a situation of flared tempers laid the foundation for the next year to go. Things went downhill, further and further.
He visited her in Singapore when she was interning at NUS. He made a mess of it in the first day there as well and the entire trip had an off-taste, which lingered on and on.
Then he got a job and left the place. In all this while, they had grown much more independent. Their relation had become an inverted image of how it had started. The meetings were less, the warmth lesser.
And though he kept complaining, he knew within his heart, he had messed it up, not once, but many a times and though he alone wasn’t to be blamed, his part in the degradation was suffocating.
Having graduated, the two, who once had so much in common, were a stark images of their past. The fights were colder, brutal. The two who couldn’t go a day without looking at each could now go about more than a month without even listening to each other’s voice, without reading each other’s text. All good days have had horrible memories attached to them.
Why the remorse now, someone may ask?
If you ask him, he wishes he could go back and correct those mistakes. He wishes he could go back and wrap the warmth that she emanated and preserve it for eternity. He wishes that he knew how to handle her correctly, so that these regrets that now burden his existence were far few and far less.
Today, they live lives in different towns. Miles apart, maybe somewhere both of them yearn to be together again. Or so he likes to believe. But what else would have sustained this for almost 4 years if not the yearning?
He knows that things hang from a very delicate thread. But to curb his natural instincts, he is maybe damaging things only further. Either ways, time will live to tell their story, if they will ever make it or not.
For now, even though the regrets are bitter,
The moments in life sour,
Far apart, they continue to drift,
Yet, he pens this down, holding onto her sweet memories,
Holding onto that sweet gift
While writing, I was constantly driven by the thought of our actions and their consequences
Following few lines perfectly sum up my feelings about the same (Not very elegant, but try to grasp the feeling)
Eliza: The problem with YOU is that you don’t take the RESPONSIBILITY for anything. You think you can just run around, doing whatever you want to, whoever you want, and that it’s going to be fine. That everything is just going to be TAKEN CARE of for you, with no consequences.
Cooper: No. I don’t, and I have had consequences of what happened between me and you.
Eliza: Yeah? Like what?
Cooper: I lost you, that was my consequence.