Honestly, before I begin, this was not intended to be the title of my post! The title was, “Confusion”. But somehow the head massage I received after having thought of it changed many a things! And so, here’s to it!
I have been plagued by many doubts about what I am doing with my life and where am I headed to? And if it is the right path or not?
Through all this, some of my friends (One in particular) have been my support and I do feel blessed to have them. Life would have been so hard without them.
The confusion arises from certain conscience driven issues. Finally, I feel I am at a stage of my life where what I feel best will be to move on without any thought to the past, happy and sad, full of memories of joys and turmoil. But then one thing stops me – This has happened before. I decided that getting on was the best thing (and maybe it was) and hence I snapped all ties and proceeded without ever thinking that my actions were not just wrong, but also caused harm to someone’s life, someone who was as close to me as no one was. In moments I had taken the biggest decision of my life and looking back, it is something I deeply regret.
So I don’t want to be the one who again moved on. I want to stand ground. I want to walk with my head high and I want to stand, at least in my eyes!
So I am hanging on. But it is getting harder by the moment. I mean, it never feels so difficult to live with someone’s apathy when you think about it. Living it in reality is altogether a different challenge. No one said it would be easy, and it is sure not easy!
Eventually I will move on, maybe soon, maybe in a month, maybe when I know I have nothing else left to offer. But till that time, I guess that pain and the pangs of separation have to be lived through with.
Still what about the head massage you might ask. Well actually all of the above lines came across my mind while I was on way to my barber. I was having a headache and hence I decided that getting a head massage will help. Believe me, it did! Right after the head massage, I had a lighter head and I could actually take it easy on myself. I hadn’t experienced the bliss of it in many days. And with a lighter head, I guess I got my answer – to take it easy, on myself and on others. Life will definitely have something bright in store. I guess I just need to have some more patience. Sun shall rise soon!
PS: I had heard somewhere- “Find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with and when you do, hold onto her forever.” Well friends doesn’t work in real life. Sometimes you have to cut them loose. Trying finding the right moment to do so. 😛 (Issued in Public interest! :D)
And the following lines are dedicated to the massage
Sar jo tera chakraye
Ya dil dooba jaye
Aaja pyare paas hamare
Kahe ghabaraye, kahe ghabaraye
Tel mera hain muski
Gandh rahen na khuski
Jiske sar par haath fira du
Chamke kismat uski