Well well, didn’t know we will be meeting so soon again! but what to do, life is a shit journey after all! a remark for those who say it is short-” well it is the longest thing you’ll ever know”. and so please forgive me for anything offensive I may talk about you here, but its my mood that drives me , and its been a while since I’ve felt myself on the verge of an emotional breakdown, with some liquid fluid which idiots like me know by the word Tear(s), ready to roll down my face and to be frank, It is all my fault –For always trying to find some joy in someone else’s happiness, for trying to give everything my heart can spare- My time, & probably my soul.
Well My words may not make sense to you ( or much sense)or they may not be making much sense now simply because I’m not used to writing or trying to write in a state of near break down, but let me today share a very rarely seen side of mine with you.
So tell me, ever felt the pain of having to admit to yourself that all the while, all the good things about you have been the worst things about you, having put every ounce of effort to try & bring someone out of a bad time ( & in some cases worse) , only to find your heart & soul trapped in a bigger shit, of having allowed come someone so close to your heart, not to become a part of it, but to slice away a part of it in a manner that it only causes pain and nothing else, having tried to be there (or atleast trying to)whenever a special person needed you, only to find yourself dejected and alone when you needed the same person and then living with excuses( or which may be actual but not with a probability of 1 ), of having been made to feel like a side-kick by the same person whom you had given more importance than even yourself?
If yes, then probably you do know how it feels to be a side-kick, how it feels to be on the verge of tears cause of the same feeling, how to feel totally lost & lonely in a group, how to survive with the emptiness, of just being confused about why such things keep happening to You time after time, of just pondering and pondering, staring wildly at your cell device, in anticipation of probably one message or something, of just wasting away yourself , your mind, soul, everything, for absolutely no reason,but still not making the person know about how the delays, and the non-replies have felt, how it has been to try and answer one’s own unanswered questions, of how to deal with your mind which constantly keeps calling you a CHUTIYA , and so much else, and so much more.
So probably you may say – Don’t Expect anything from anyone in return, but Believe me that is not the way Emotions are, and when your Heart gives something( or everything ) to soothe someone , it wants something in return when it needs that something.
and about expectations thing, I don’t know if it is wrong or right, but the feel of broken expectations is so severe, that I can’t type it here.
and trust me when you are made to feel like a side-kick , try & accept or make yourself believe that you are worthy of it.
cause Life after all is a bundle of torn patches and sad tales, stitched together in an uncomfortable fashion and at the end of the day, you have no choice but to LIVE it!
The Side Kick
PS: the author is a kaam chalau thing, but still has got emotions, so being A side kick hurts, no matter how Much he may disguise his expressions !